Tom's Blog

Return to Love

Posted by Tom Zuba on September 13, 2013 1 Comment

We think that we are broken
and maybe we are
and maybe we aren’t 
(really)
but that topic is for a different day.

We are most certainly broken open.
Broken open
because someone we love dearly died.
And this death
this one
was not part of the plan
we had created
for the rest of our life.

Our plan
our dream
our hope
our vision
our future
our life
has been shattered.

And we have been broken open.
Big time.

Is it possible to make peace with life
our life
again 
or for the first time
following the death of someone we love
so dearly?
It is.

It is possible

Will you go back to the life you had?
To being the person you were?
To believing all the things you did
before
the person you love
so dearly
died?
No.
That is not possible. 

It will require herculean effort
on your part
to heal.
Herculean.

It is not easy.
And that is why many (most) do not do it.
They don’t heal.
It’s just too hard.
For them.

But you are here.
Reading these words.
Because a part of you
the soul part of you
is looking for truth.

You will recognize truth when you encounter it.

In order to heal
you must return to love.
You must return to the very, 
very,
very core,
the center,
of the relationship you have
still and forever
with the person you love
so dearly
that died.

And the path you must take to that center
to that core
that love
is through 
(not around)
the anger
sadness
anguish
despair
guilt
rage
regret
terror
and every other feeling and emotion that the death of your beloved triggers.

You must go through.
Not around.


You must forgive
everyone for everything.
(I told you it would require a herculean effort.)
You must forgive
God
the world
the system
the medical community
the drunk driver
the one with the gun
your mother, your father, your spouse, your partner, your siblings, your family, friends, colleagues, neighbors and community for whatever they did
and whatever they did not do.
For what they said
and for what they were unable to say.
You must forgive the one you love
that died.
You must forgive yourself.
And most of all you must forgive life
for being
life
as it is.

You must learn to love your self so very much

that you will no longer create pain
by holding on to all that has been causing you pain
these days,
weeks,
months,
years,
decades, even.

You must release and forgive
all of it
for you.

But only if you want to heal.

It will require herculean effort
on your part
to heal.
Herculean.

And a part of you is ready
or you wouldn’t be reading these words.

If my NEW WAY of "doing grief" resonates with you, I'd love to work with you one-on-one. If you are in the Rockford, Illinois area we can do that in person, otherwise, I am having great success working with people all over the country via Skype or FaceTime.  Email me at tomzuba@aol.com if you would like to take the next step on your grief journey and we can schedule a session.

Comments (1 Comment)

Dear Tom, I connected with you on Facebook, read your story and was devastated at all the people that you had lost, people you loved dearly!! When I got to the end of your story, I was so concerned for you that I wasn’t sure what you had found that was the right thing to do….the only thing I could think of was suicide! I had to know that you were alright and following the path to the video on Comcast! Thank God!! You were alright, and not only that you were talking about the philosophy that I had arrived at after the death of my Mother. I am so excited to see that my theory makes sense to someone besides me!! I am now anxious to find out anything I can about your seminars, etc…Thank you for appearing into my life..until we meet. Sincerely, Nancy

Posted by Nancy Ginn on September 17, 2013

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