You Were Born to be Radiant.

After the fog lifts.

After the numbness starts to melt.

When the shock gives way to our new reality.

Most of us have already jumped on the bandwagon.

The bandwagon I call “the story of what it’s like to live with the death of someone we love.”

We jump on (consciously and unconsciously) because we don’t know what else to do.

How would we?

“How to live with the death of someone we love” is not a conversation most engage in.

So, we jump on the bandwagon.

We notice that the others who are on the bandwagon with us (and there are thousands and thousands of them, many who’ve been there for years and years) are in great, great pain.

They tell us, "There is no hope. No light. No life."

They look at us with hard eyes and say things like:

1. “The pain never goes away. The best you can do is learn to cope.”

2. “The second year, the third year, the fourth ... will be even worse for you.”

3. “We do the best we can, but our life ended the day she was taken from us.”

4. “Keeping busy is the answer. Don’t think about it. It’s all too painful.”

And if we are listening. Really listening. A voice deep, down inside of us says no. No! This can not be true. There must be another way.

And through the magic and the mystery and the power that is life itself, the power that gives life to that voice ... that voice deep, down inside of you ... you have found this healing circle.

Your being here is not random.

You did not find us by chance. Nor luck. Nor by accident.

That power brought you here.  Life brought you here.

So that you will know that there is another way. A different path. An alternate route.

You were brought here so that at any moment you will know that you can step off that bandwagon and start living your life another way.

A new way.

A way grounded in the truth that you were born to live an amazing life. Not in spite of the fact that someone you love has died. But because of the fact that someone you love has died.

Did you hear that?

There is a way to give meaning and purpose to the death of the person you love so much. So that their death was not in vain.

The death of someone you loves gives you the opportunity to become all that you were born to be.

And you were born to be radiant. And so was I.

If my NEW WAY of "doing grief" resonates with you, I'd love to work with you one-on-one. If you are in the Rockford, Illinois area we can do that in person, otherwise, I am having great success working with people all over the country via Skype or FaceTime.  Email me at tomzuba@aol.com if you would like to take the next step on your grief journey and we can schedule a session.

5 comments

  • Tom,
    Your post on there is a next step,just hit home with me.I know there is a next step to take after my sons death.It is a hard one to take.I’m still in the “I can’t believe this is really real phase”My son died at 40 years old and he was my only child.I had Scott when I was only 17 and 2 weeks old myself.I want him back so bad I can’t stand it.I have read so many books about after death and how it is just the beginning of another dimension of life and everything I can get my hands on to try to understand why,why,why!I have sought The Lord and tried grief groups.I just want my life back and I can’t even imagine going on for several more years without my son.I am so heart broken and can’t seem to find a new normal.I know I need to take another step forward and find some joy in life.I have gone through divorce 2years after my sons death also.and lst some friends along the way.

    Darlene
  • Tom,
    Your post on there is a next step,just hit home with me.I know there is a next step to take after my sons death.It is a hard one to take.I’m still in the “I can’t believe this is really real phase”My son died at 40 years old and he was my only child.I had Scott when I was only 17 and 2 weeks old myself.I want him back so bad I can’t stand it.I have read so many books about after death and how it is just the beginning of another dimension of life and everything I can get my hands on to try to understand why,why,why!I have sought The Lord and tried grief groups.I just want my life back and I can’t even imagine going on for several more years without my son.I am so heart broken and can’t seem to find a new normal.I know I need to take another step forward and find some joy in life.I have gone through divorce 2years after my sons death also.and lst some friends along the way.

    Darlene
  • Your pain is so raw and new Sandeep. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on,

    Tom
  • Though the words are beautiful… it offers no solace.. maybe I am too raw right now to absorb your words… but I admire yourefforts for a noble cause bro. !

    sandeep kumble
  • Though the words are beautiful… it offers no solace.. maybe I am too raw right now to absorb your words… but I admire yourefforts for a noble cause bro. !

    sandeep kumble

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