A New You Emerging


My 18-month-old daughter Erin died in 1990.

My 43-year-old wife Trici died in 1999.

My 13-year-old son Rory died in 2005.

I have learned a thing or two about life and death and grief and healing over the past 20+ years.

The death of someone we love cracks us open. Big time. 

It is supposed to.

It is essential that you understand that.

You will never, ever be the person you were ... before ... the person you love died.



Until you surrender to that truth, you will not heal.

Until you release the energy you focus on trying to, yearning to, longing to go back to the life you had ... you will not have the energy you need to create your new life.

You will remain stuck in limbo. Stuck between lives. Some people stay there forever. In that in-between, stuck place.

The death of someone you love gives you the opportunity to question everything.


It is supposed to.

You are supposed to feel like the very core of your foundation has been shattered in a million pieces.

You are supposed to question every single belief you held true and dear.

When you do this ... you will discover that many (most) of the beliefs you held so dear no longer serve you.

And you begin your search for new beliefs. Beliefs that compliment the new you that is emerging.

This can be exciting, challenging, frustrating, scary, invigorating, confusing and hopeful all at the same time.

This is life.

Like a fragile, tender seedling. Which is you. The new you.

The new you that is emerging.

Wiser. More compassionate. Stronger. More vulnerable. Flexible.

Some of the beliefs that you may have to question, release and replace with new beliefs may be ~

If and when I pray harder enough, and in the right way, with the right words and mindset ... God will do exactly what I ask him (her) to do.

We can not communicate with people we love after they die. And they can't communicate with us.

The death of a person we love ends that relationship.

Feeling my feelings and emotions prevents me from healing.

I need to buck up, stay strong and keep busy.

Question everything.

Each question asked ... and each answer that arises ... allows you to step into the new you that is emerging.

The YOU that you were born to be.

What is a belief that you are questioning today?

If my NEW WAY of "doing grief" resonates with you, I'd love to work with you one-on-one. If you are in the Rockford, Illinois area we can do that in person, otherwise, I am having great success working with people all over the country via Skype or FaceTime.  Email me at tomzuba@aol.com if you are ready to take the next step on your grief journey and we can schedule a session.

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