Tom's Blog

Does the relationship really continue?

Posted by Tom Zuba on July 29, 2012 0 Comments

For many of us, our healing quickens and deepens when we come to a place where we truly believe at a deep, deep level that our beloveds are safe, happy, whole and able to stay connected to us.

I firmly believe that we will always have a relationship with the people we love that have died.  Always.  And we will determine if that relationship is healthy or unhealthy...if it brings us peace and joy, or pain and sorrow.

I posted this on my Facebook page (www.facebook.com/tomzuba1) a few days after what would have been my son Rory’s 21st birthday.  The response from readers was overwhelming and worth sharing with you here... I hope it brings you hope, and peace.

As some of you know, my son Rory would have been 21 on July 24, 2012 had he lived. The last few nights, as I was falling asleep, I asked him to come visit me in my dreams. I asked every night. Every night. Last night, I had the most wonderful "dream." Both he and Sean were in the dream. I was very aware that it was a "visit" ... and I so appreciated being in his presence again. I felt his spirit, his essence, his energy in a deeper way then I usually do. I am grateful.

How about you? Have you had a "visit" from the person you love that died?

Danny Madry wrote: I had an amazing dream that my son Brian came to tell me he was ok. Same as you ,I knew it was a visit. I have not been as sad since.

Susan Sparkowski Hurley wrote: Yes, last week, after asking for a sign. In my dream, I opened the door to my 18 wheeler (a new job for me) and sitting in the driver's seat was my husband, CJ. He was wearing his favorite hat. He looked down at me and smiled with compassion. I then woke up. What a gift. He died 3 weeks ago, suddenly, and it's been agony without 

Susan Sparkowski Hurley wrote: I'm thrilled about your visit, Tom. It really helps so much to know that we're still connected.

Tom Zuba wrote: ‎Danny Madry ~ i am really, really, really happy for you. Thank you for sharing that. Your words, "I have not been as sad since" makes my heart smile ... and I hope will bring HOPE to folks who don't believe it will ever be possible for them to say or feel the same as you do now. As you heal, I heal. As I heal, you heal. It's important that we share where we are along the way...

Barbara Moll wrote: In 7+ years I have NOT had a visit from Johnny - but he has sent me some other "signs" - this is so like him - playing with his Mom's head.

Lisamarie Avallone-Groetzner wrote: I wish .... every night I say good night to Vincent and I ask him to come to me ... 

Linda Salerno Fee wrote: I have had a few of my Mom since she died 15 yrs ago...its always an amazing experience.. the warmth and comfort she ezubes is breathtaking. And I always feel happy and sad at the same time afterwards but always grateful for it...

Marge Celer Mann wrote: In a dream shortly after she died I opened my front door to see my sister Mary Beth running toward me in slow motion. She ran up to me at the door, gave me a big hug, and continued running through my house out the back door. I woke up feeling so happy and comfortable!

Maria Oropallo wrote: I don't know.

I want to, but am sort of scared. I think my daughter has come to me anyway, she was like that you know ;) , but I don't remember details, just the warm, loving feelings.

I know my late ex husband has come to me, not always a pleasant feeling when I wake. Mostly sad though.

Sandy Greenstreet wrote: My first dream came a couple of months after my son Jered died. He was smiling, wearing the same t-shirt he had on the last time I saw him and he an angel on each side of him. It was Jered's way to tell me he was ok. Since then I haven't had any more dreams which saddens me, but I have been given many signs: birds flying overhead when I;m walking or hiking, seeing his favorite flower (morning glory) as I am walking and thinking about him. I only wish I had more dreams.

Bea Giammarese Ricotta wrote: I have but not as often as I would like!

Mary Anderson wrote: I would love to. I am open to it but haven't had it happen (yet). As others have mentioned, there have been others 'signs' that I feel are from her or the Universe on her behalf. Wow. Just looked up at the clock and it's 11:11. THAT is one of the signs I get from the Universe letting me know that ALL is WELL!

Dawn Franklin wrote: My Grandma, who helped my Dad raise me, surprised me with a visit to New York (just like we had always planned)...we shopped and walked the streets and saw the Rockette's. I asked her if she needed a wheelchair...bc her cancer made her very weak...she told me..."No...I have my young healthy body and energy back." What a great night we had in NY...even in my dreams.

Marcia Smith wrote: SO happy for you Tom !!!!

Colleen Bjerg wrote: This was last August.

Greg came to visit the Sat after his birthday. It was 2pm, I was doing laundry. Brought in towels to fold in master bath. There was a dark thing on the side of the bathtub. My first thought was, now, on top of everything else, I have roaches so brazen they're out in the daytime. 

When I went over, I found a piece of fabric I recognized as Greg's house pants. Found the pants undisturbed about 4 layers down on the top shelf of my closet where I'd put them a few months before.

Called my friend, Janie, from work, told her what I'd found. She said,"you have to find out who or what that is!"

I said I thought I could do that. 

Backstory, I have watched "Ghosthunters" for ~5 yrs. Greg would come into the room and say,"tell me you don't believe this. It's SciFi for a reason! Please tell me you don't believe this!!! I can feel my IQ dropping as I stand here!". I'd laugh, shew him off. 

The Sat after his birthday, I went back to the bedroom off the master bath, got out my flashlight, turned it barely off. I asked an empty house,"Greg, are you here? If you are, please turn on the flashlight.". It turned on immediately. I said, "Really kind of freaking out because I'm Still talking to an empty house! Greg, if you're here, please turn the flashlight back off.". It flickered & went off. I swear I never touched it in between. I totally freaked, started crying, said, " I love you! I can hardly stand being w/o you, but you have to go back to God.". He's not been back since, or @least not communicated. I think he listened to me, I SO didn't want him stuck here, & I don't know how spirit stuff works! But I know he found a way to let me know he's ok. Just hate that he's not here. I know some of you know this story from before. But some don't, so since it applies, thought I'd throw it out there. Still have that fabric. It was not anywhere Newton could have gotten to it or placed it.

Colleen Bjerg wrote: Tom, I think I told you this back when I first ran across your site. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before or since. No one will ever be able to convince me it wasn't him! :)

PuertoVallarta Glo wrote: I saw my loving brother the day his daughter gave her life to Christ. He stood behind her, turned and looked at me and smiled. Then he disappeared into the crowd. I believe it's God's way of telling us that they are okay. We are truely blessed!! Thank you for sharing Marc....miss you...

Sharon Sam Randlett Major wrote: I am so blessed and grateful to be able to dream, play with and sense her presence often!

D'anna Ramirez McNamer wrote: Yes, I often see my late husband ♥

Rick Colby wrote: Rory rocks. So does his dad.

Rick Colby wrote: And mom and sister. :)

Amy Anderson Sweet wrote: Yes Tom ...I celebrate them, am so thankful for them and journal them...I never want to forget them....I miss him sooooo much.

Rick Colby wrote: Today is the five-year anniversary of my daughter Lauren's passing. Two days ago, I was out on a walk around 7:30 PM. I walked past the neighborhood pool where I used to take Lauren and my other two children. As I passed the pool, I could hear young children laughing. I stopped walking, closed my eyes, listened to the sounds -- and remembered. For a brief moment, in my mind, I could see Lauren again, and, with the sounds of laughter as background, remember how much fun we used to have. 

I opened my eyes and started to walk again, the moment over, and crossed a street entrance to the pool. As I did, a beautiful monarch butterfly AND a hummingbird alighted on a bush right in front of me, in tandem, at the same time. It was startling, because they seemed to be working in partnership. I stopped and admired them both. I had never seen such a thing happen before. After a minute, the hummingbird moved away, leaving only the butterfly. I was transfixed by its shape and intricacy and its color and said out loud, to the butterfly, "You are SO beautiful!" 

And then it flew away. 

It was then that I noticed that one of the pool workers had been observing me from the other side of the street and had overheard me TALKING TO A BUTTERFLY. I laughed and resumed my walk. :)

Tom Zuba wrote: Beautiful Rick. Thanks for taking the time to share your experience with us. Thanks Lauren, too!!!

Sandra Kay Anderson wrote: Yes, and his aftershave smell - sweet....I ask all the time...usually they are dreams where I can see him BUT can't reach him,.,.,.

Tom Zuba wrote: Very cool Colleen Bjerg. I BELIEVE!!!

Kelly Combs wrote: The stories everyone shared are so beautiful. I have had my Grandmother and my brother visit me in my dreams.

Christine Jakes Schmaltz wrote: It was a few months after my son died. He was on a ventilator before he died and we cared for him at home. I heard him calling in my dream and I went in his room and he was sitting up waving at me with a big smile on his face. I felt like he was letting me know he was okay.

Michael Phelps wrote: My mom. Once, shortly after she died. It helped me accept that she was ok and at peace.

Cynthia Martinez wrote: I've had several experiences since my father passed in 1996. The first was on my youngest daughters birthday 5 months after his death. I came home very late from work and I was very tired, I had already missed the cake and ice cream so I just wanted to have dinner and take a shower but my daughter was waiting to go buy a new accessory to her doll house, I wanted to wait til morning to go. While I was eating dinner she walked up to the table to ask if we could go and as I was telling her that I'd rather go in the morning my plate moved away from me. (not much, but it did move) I pulled my plate back and contiued to eat. She came back a second time to ask and my plate moved much more this time toward my daughter, I smiled and said "Fine dad, I'll go." My dad used to call my youngest daughter his Little Cindy, they were very close. That was just the first of many visits. I enjoyed every minute of every visit.

Tom Zuba wrote: I truly believe that they are all "all right" and want us to be at peace ... regardless of the circumstances surrounding their death.

Caroline Villanueva Garcia wrote: Yes and it was so awesome.

Catherine Splaine Sousa wrote: Yes and it is usuLly very meaningful. The other night she was just there with us walking being part of us. I took thTto mean I am still here!!!

Rose Marie Garman wrote: Eric, my elementary school boyfriend who was killed in a drunk driving accident on Easter Eve 1984, our junior year in high school. He used to visit once a year during Holy week, now he visits more often. Until I became sober in 2007, we would not converse, I could not hear his voice. It's also after that time his visits became more frequent.

Cathy Arntzen wrote: YES, I had an amazing "dream" about my son. We were dancing, to one of his favorite artist's (Kid Rock) song. I could feel how strong he was, with his arm around me, practically lifting me off the floor, and had this brilliant smile. I woke up very happy. It's taken awhile for me to figure out the message he was trying to convey. But I realize now he was trying to tell me to cherish and remember the good times, and let those memories bring me peace and joy. :)

Mal Moss wrote: Not in a long time. I'm not sure why it's been so long.

Ande Baker wrote: My paternal grandparents passed more than 44 years ago. About 10 years ago I had been feeling down about being a collector.(a bit of a pack rat) One night they came to me in my dreams and showed me that they had saved collections of all kinds. They told me they were happy and that I should be too. It made me feel better. And it made my dad happy when I told him about it. Debby

Judith M. Curtis wrote: Yes, my son visits me in my dreams and it feels so real.  

Robert Wolf wrote: I've had visits from my father, in one dream he assured me it was not a dream.

Naomi Schultz wrote: ♥ Rory ♥

Lori Crask wrote: My dad is in my dreams alot. Last night he helped me drive around a tornado, very symbolic of life right now...

Nelda Ortiz wrote: How blessed u r I hope my son visits me too.

Rose Apple McCulloh wrote: I had a similar experience w/my brother who passed away and it was also on his birthday.

Tori Smith wrote: I had 2 very vivid, could feel him in my arms dreams. The first he was peaking at me and I told him how much I missed him and he just smiled as I scooped him up and held him on my hip (where he belongs) as I took care of all his brothers. The 2nd dream I could feel him so vividly but he kept stopping breathing in my arms and we were at a state of the art hospital. They kept bringing him back but he would die in my arms again. This repeated several times. I felt like he was telling me no matter what was done for him he was always going to die. I also felt like he was ok and he was trying to make me feel ok too. It was such a strange thing. He has visited me since but not so vividly. And he visits his siblings very often. My 5yr old tells me of there being a white light "that grew arms, then legs, then became Sterling!" He begged Sterling to take him with to Heaven. But Sterling told him he was going to be an old man before he could come. The 5yr old wasn't happy about this! I asked him if Sterling (who was just 13m old when he died) actually talked to him. He said not really it was all like "in our minds" then I watched a video on NDE and communication was described this way! Gave me goosebumps!! Glad Rory came to visit!

Darren Humphries wrote: Elijah has visited several times in dreams. Last year I had gone to bed early and work just before the Elijah Hour 1-2 am went back to bed at 150am and as I lay down had a picture of him in the dream like state and he grew from being a little boy into a fine young man and he greeted me and told me get up Dad and we must talk and I walked with him down into my lounge and we sat at the desk andI could no lounge see him but know he was present we talked for a couple of house - I made notes and then I told him I was tired and needed to sleep - he greeted me and told me he love me and that we will do it again and his presence went and I went to be waking in the morning refreshed.

Michelle Spencer wrote: I often have dreams of my grandparents - very moving very real - in color I might add.

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