Ten Years Later

TEN YEARS LATER:  10 Things I’ve Learned Since My Most Amazing Son Rory Brennan Zuba Finished His Earthly Work and Left His Physical Body

1.  Consciously choose to remember that you are light. Choose light over darkness, and love over fear. Say yes as often as you can. Reach for the highest vision and version of your life and allow it to unfold. Be grateful.

2.  Forgive everyone always for everything. This is so hard to do. Do it.

3.  Donʼt take anything personally. It is never about you. It is always about the other person. The way I treat you is a reflection of the way I treat myself. I want to love myself so much that I will always be kind to you.

4.  In every moment we are both student and teacher, and every person/ animal/thing/circumstance we encounter is both our student and our teacher. Always. Our physical body is our God-given barometer. Use it.

5.  We were not born to suffer. We were born to be radiant.  Not in spite of ___________; but because of ________________.

6.  We are always being lovingly held. Always.

7.  We must first give what it is we want to receive.

8.  Grief is one of our greatest teachers; grief is not the enemy.

9.  Never give up. Ever. Rest often. Ask for help. Do not give up.

10. One of the reasons you were born is to fall in love with yourself again, or for the first time, as the Divine loves you. Donʼt forget that. Ever.

Those are my 10 Things.  To view the Video of this presentation given on February 22, 2015 at 2:22pm, 10 years after Rory died, click here:  TEN THINGS

To learn more about Tom’s book click: Permission to Mourn: A New Way to Do Grief."  and Becoming Radiant: A New Way to Do Life. Join Tom’s Healing Circle on Facebook (www.facebook.com/tomzuba1), follow Tom on Twitter @ TomZuba, at YouTube and find him on Pinterest.  To work one-on-one with Tom click:  Coaching with Tom.


  • Hi i lost my Son w yrs ago and its really hard on it seems lime it was yesterday that i lost him

  • I lost my son at 21 yrs, he was in a coma for 1 1/2 yrs. we could not let him go, until I told my huband he is brain dead, we have a daughter to think about. I did not want to live, I still dont. After I lost my husband 32 yrs married with Cancer, again I just wanted to die. I’m living right now because of my daughter the only reason. I belong to Compassionate Friends support group. Helps me. I will be going to December Cruise with Tom Zuba, I really hope I get something in me to help me because this is super hard to live with. I do not talk to anybody on how I feel, I keep this inside of m everyday, I’m dieing inside..

    Olivia Trigerous
  • I’ve only saw 1-3 of your videos the two that stands out are
    1. Forgiveness and 2. How people treat you is a reflection of how they treat themselves.really got to view the rest Thank You

    Kim carr
  • I love these! I miss my boys, but when I think of all the people they are helping and all the lives they have touched, I am so grateful that I was chosen to be their mom. Each loss is its own experience and can be so very different in its complexity. Chris was my youngest and he was sick from lymphoma. Hetaught me about forgiveness and how death can be the most loving, connected experience you can ever bear witness to. Tom, my oldest that died 4 years later, was gone in an instant. A gunshot wound to the head. He was on the autism spectrum and he had so much difficulty with social cues and managing his emotions. My firstborn and all the pain he suffered, trying to fit into a world that viewed him as difficult and violent. It has taken another 4 years, with a lot of mental and physical obstacles, but all that is behind me. I see him as all things and he is everywhere now. He can soar like the Phoenix that he is and it is a peaceful, warm feeling to think of him in this way. Nothing is holding him back now!! I am feeling so grateful for what grief has taught me about truly living to the fullest and appreciating EVERYTHING it has to offer.

    Cyndi Renhardt
  • Next week 9/24 will be two years since I lost my daughter to suicide. I am heart broken more than words can say. I am retired so I have had lots of time to mourn. I cried for literally four months. Hard, loud and sometimes screaming.
    I still cry most every day and she is in my thoughts almost all the time.
    She was 43 and has two adorable daughters. They do give me joy and I am grateful they are in my life. I do things with my family and a few friends but tend to isolate.
    I love my church and my Lord but I can’t seem to go to church on Sundays.
    I don’t seem to have the energy and not ready to look like I am ok!
    I have read grief books; gone to a griefshare group; and have gone to some compassionate friends meetings. All were good and helped.
    Next I think is private grief counseling. Any words of encouragement would be helpful!!


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