The funeral director collected the information from Trici and I, sent it to the newspaper, and Erin’s obituary appeared.
Using Trici’s resume, I supplied the reporters at both the Chicago Tribune and the Chicago Sun-Times with plenty of background information. Because of our PR contacts, Trici got a “big” obituary, with photo, in both papers. I know she would have been proud!
Writing Rory’s obituary was excruciatingly painful for me. I didn’t think I could do it. I didn’t want to do it. The thought made me sick. The paper stalled. “Details to follow” they printed.
And finally I wrote:
“Rory Brennan Zuba died Tuesday morning, February 22, 2005 surrounded by an ever-expanding circle of love consciously created for him by his family, friends and people throughout the world who were touched by his incredible life -- his brilliant mind, his gentle spirit, his sense of humor and his loving heart."
Rory is survived by his father, Tom and his younger brother Sean. He is preceded in death by his mother, Patricia and his older sister, Erin. Rory was the grandson of Claude and Ange Zuba of Rockford, and Eileen and the late Patrick Brennan of Oak Park. He is also survived by many aunts, uncles and loving cousins and friends.
Burial will be Monday, February 28 at 1:00 pm at Queen of Heaven Cemetery in Hinsdale, IL.
A celebration of Rory’s life will be held on Sunday, March 6 at 3:00 p.m. in the Auditorium at First Assembly of God Church on Springcreek and Mulford in Rockford, Illinois. In lieu of flowers, the family will appreciate donations to The Rory Zuba Medical Expense Fund c/o Alpine Bank, Rockford.”
Rory’s body is buried in Hillside, not Hinsdale.
As painful as writing the obituary was - planning his Memorial Service was even worse…I couldn’t believe I was planning a Memorial Service for Rory Brennan Zuba.
How to pay tribute? How to remember? How to punctuate? For me, it was too early to celebrate. I did want to honor.
A few years earlier, I had sorted through many of our photos. A box of Sean’s pictures. A box of Rory’s pictures. A box of Erin. A box of Trici and I.
That year, for Sean’s birthday I bought a HUGE photo album and across the cover wrote “Celebrations of Sean’s Life.” I packed as many photos of Sean and Trici in there as I could. I wanted him to remember. And of course there were pictures of he and Rory. And some of me. But since I was the photographer, the number of pictures that included dad was few and far between.
I would make a “Celebrations of Rory’s Life photo album later, I thought.
I never did.
Instead, in the days after Rory’s death, I found the “Rory Box.” I fingered through the many, many photos. Every one. Precious. Trying to decide. Which to include? Early on I decided I couldn’t possibly include each member of our large extended family in the slide show – the aunts, the uncles, the grandparents, the cousins. So, I decided to include none of them.
Instead, I decided to include his teachers. His beloved teachers. Rory loved to learn. He always did. At first it was puzzles, insects, dinosaurs, Russia, then Japan. He loved the Discovery Channel, National Geographic, the Zoo, the Aquarium, the Planetarium, the Field Museum, the Exploratoruim in San Francisco, the Lawrence Hall of Science at UC Berkeley. When we were living in California we visited the missions. “Wouldn’t it be cool if we visited every single mission, Dad?”
And he loved art, and the Civil War, and Harry Potter, and The Lord of the Rings. My did he love The Lord of the Rings.
And he loved to write. He won awards for his writing. And for science and for math. At his fifth grade Awards Ceremony he said, “Dad, if they had an award for the kid who won the most awards – I’d win that award, too.”
He loved to learn.
So, I included his teachers. Who, each year, mothered him in ways I could not.
I included Mrs. Lambshed from 2nd grade; his beloved Mrs.Grunnert from 3rd grade, Mrs. Pate from 4th grade, and Mrs. Slife from 5th grade.
I included Gayle Dartez from New American Theater, because she turned him on to Shakespeare – as I knew she would. And she cast him as a caveman who invented the wheel for the first play of summer…and didn’t make him try-out for the 2nd summer play because she knew he could handle the part of the crazy farmer.
And of course, I included Tami. Our neighbor Tami took care of Rory and Sean since they were babies while Trici and I worked. Tami and John and Stevie and Michael were my kids extended family. A role that grew even more important after Trici died. And I included Michael and Daniel. Best friends, since day one at Tami’s.
So, the Photo Memorial of Rory is the one we created for his Memorial Service. I’ve added a few photos at the end. Photos of Rory smiling after we found out he had cancer. Photos I couldn’t bear to look at right after he died. Photos I omitted the first time around.
I can see his smile, now, in those photos - so I included them.
I’ve also included Rory’s Chrono Trigger video. We “world premiered” it at his Memorial Service. Rory loved computers. He loved Nintendo. He hoped to study computers at Nintendo’s Digipen in Seattle when he was in high school. By some strange twist of fate, a few weeks after we received the cancer diagnosis we traveled to Seattle to visit a doctor there in December of 2004. We visited the doors of Digipen. I took his photo. We were treated to an inside tour of Nintendo. Rory was in heaven and was treated like royalty.
He finished the video that last August. Just a few weeks before his seizure. He was so proud of it. I am too.
I hope you enjoy it.
