"Exploring Grief, Mourning
and the Gifts of Denial"
This recording of my March 20th Teleconference will introduce you to my thoughts about healing from the loss of someone you love... learning to live life with that loss. During the call, I explore grief - the internal, automatic, unlearned response to loss. I explain what mourning is ..."going public" with our grief. And I share with you the gifts of denial. Briefly, I will introduce you to concrete things you can bring into your life to "lean into" your own transformation.
This recording is my gift to you. It is free. I hope you find it helpful. The recording is supported by a slide presentation.
To listen to the 55 minute audio, please click the audio icon at the top of this page. Minimize this screen and follow along with the accompanying slide presentation. Keep in mind, that you can rewind, fast forward, or pause the recording using the tools available.
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I’d like your feedback. It would be helpful to me if you’d email me your responses to the questions I’ve posed on the Feedback Form. Your input will help me do a better job.
To print out the “List of Emotions” I referred to during the presentation, go to www.metrowellnez.com/Emotions.htm.
We have created a Forum for those of you who listened to this call (either live or by listening to the recorded call) to “continue the conversation.” You can access that Forum at "Join the Conversations."
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My Goal
The end of suffering
which would mean
FREEDOM
and
PEACE
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With each breath I take,
I am being transformed by my losses
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Transformation
Loss is transforming me.
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I
get to decide how involved
I will be
in my own
Transformation.
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More than anything,
we need to remember
that when our hearts are
broken,
they are also wide open.
John E. Welshons
Awakening From Grief
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GRIEF
MOURNING
DENIAL
CREATING A PLAN
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GRIEF
MOURNING
DENIAL
CREATING A PLAN
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Understand the Differences
between
Grief
and
Mourning
and the
Gifts of Denial
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Grief
Automatic,
Unlearned,
Internal
response
to loss
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If you are able to love
you will
experience grief.
Love * Love * Love * Love * Love * Love * Love
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What is happening to me?
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Numbness
Disbelief
"Feels like a dream –
when will I wake up?"
Dazed
Stunned
Heart Palpitations
Stomach pains
Dizziness
Confusion |
Queasiness
Nauseous
Crying
Fainting
Uncontrolled laughter
Angry outbursts
Memory loss
Loss of balance
Disorganization |
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Does any of this feel familiar?
It`s called grief.
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Searching
Yearning
Going Crazy
Restlessness
Agitation
Impatient
Disconnected
Hear, See, Feel Things
Depression
Relief |
Lack of sleep
Too much sleep
No appetite
Overeating
Anxiety
Panic
Fear
Guilt
Regret
Sadness
|
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What am I feeling?
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What emotions am I feeling?
Angry
Mad
Happy
Sad
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Emotions: What Am I Feeling?
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Abandoned
Abhor
Ablaze
Abominable
Abrasive
Absorbed
Absorbed
Absurd
Abused
Abusive
Accommodating
Acknowledged
Acquiescent
Acrimonious
Admonished
Adoration
Adored
Adventurous |
Adverse
Affected
Affectionate
Afflicted
Affronted
Afraid
Aggravated
Aggressive
Agitated
Agonized
Agony
Agreeable
Airy
Awkward
Alienated
Alive
Alluring
Alone |
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Love is inclusive: it accepts the full range of human emotion – the emotions we hide, the emotions we fear.
Within ourselves, we possess every trait and its polar opposite, every human emotion and impulse.
It is not until we fully embrace the dark, that we can embrace the light.
Debbie Ford, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers
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What emotions do you avoid?
What feelings
won’t you let yourself feel?
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GRIEF
MOURNING
DENIAL
CREATING A PLAN
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MOURNING
"Going Public" with our grief
In the presence of others
The external expression of grief
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MOURNING
"Going Public" with our grief
Socially unacceptable
Strong desire to get you to STOP feeling
Belief that feeling the feelings IS the problem
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Does this ring true?
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GRIEF
MOURNING
DENIAL
CREATING A PLAN
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DENIAL
Understanding it`s Gifts
First , denial buys us time to put together the external supports we will need to face our shattered dream.
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DENIAL
Understanding it`s Gifts
Second, it buys us time to find the inner strength we will need to move forward day-to-day.
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DENIAL
Understanding it`s Gifts
And third, it gradually eases us into the reality that this new truth, our new reality is painful and difficult.
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This is how
DENIAL
has worked for me.
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GRIEF
MOURNING
DENIAL
CREATING A PLAN
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CONSCIOUSLY
Creating
a
Plan
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CONSCIOUSLY
Participating
in your own
Transformation
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Ground Rules
1. Be gentle
2. Trust your intuition
3. Slow, slow, slow
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Creating A Plan
Hang On
Observe Your Grief
Daily Quiet Time
Search All Corners for Happiness
Cry
Going Public
Practice Self Care
Don’t Take Anything Personally
Stay Open to all Possibilities
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Hang On
Creating a Plan
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The only way to light
is through darkness.
Do not be afraid
of the dark.
Leonard Jacobson, Words from Silence
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Observing my Grief
Creating a Plan
Get a list of emotions
Journal
What emotions am I feeling?
When I wake up
Lunchtime
Before I go to bed
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Emotions: What Am I Feeling?
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Abandoned
Abhor
Ablaze
Abominable
Abrasive
Absorbed
Absorbed
Absurd
Abused
Abusive
Accommodating
Acknowledged
Acquiescent
Acrimonious
Admonished
Adoration
Adored
Adventurous
|
Adverse
Affected
Affectionate
Afflicted
Affronted
Afraid
Aggravated
Aggressive
Agitated
Agonized
Agony
Agreeable
Airy
Awkward
Alienated
Alive
Alluring
Alone |
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Quiet Time
Creating a Plan
Give yourself
15-20 minutes a day to simply
BE with yourself
.
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NOTICE
Creating a Plan
Did anything happen today
that helped me
feel
"NOT ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE?"
(even for a few seconds)
Be honest!
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Today, I felt…
lDelectable
Delicate
Delighted
Demure
Depressed
Desirable
Desired
Desolate
Despair
Despondent
Devoted
Devoured
Discomfort
Discontented
Disgust
Dismal
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Meddlesome
Melancholy
Melodramatic
Merry
Mindful
Mindless
Mirthful
Miserable
Moderate
Mopy
Mortified
Moved
Nervous
Nonchalant
Not caring
Numb
Optimistic |
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NOTICE
Creating a Plan
Today, I felt the absence of overwhelming sorrow, sadness, anger (fill in the blank) – even for a second - when I:
Noticed the flavor of the coffee
Brushed up against the rosemary
Listened to that CD
Looked at photographs
Saw the red-tailed hawk
What is it for you?
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NOTICE
Creating a Plan
What would you like to add?
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Crying
Creating a Plan
"Crying is nature’s way of releasing internal tension in your body, and it allows you to communicate a need to be comforted…Cry, wail, and sob as long and as hard and as often as you need to. Tears have a voice of their own. You will be wise to allow yours to speak to you. Listen to your tears and heal.
Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph. D., Understanding Your Grief
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Going Public
Creating a Plan
Find a Therapist
Join a Support Group
Journal
Use Art
Look for a Grief Class
Tell Your Story
Talk, talk, talk…and then talk some more.
What else would you add?
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Going Public
Creating a Plan
What else would you add?
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Self Care
Creating a Plan
Exercise
Eat well
Drink lots of water
Get enough sleep
Get a Massage
Take a Walk outside
Read
Don’t isolate yourself
Slow down – resist the urge to "keep busy"
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Don’t Take Anything Personally
Creating a Plan
"Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one you live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world."
Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements
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Stay Open to all Possibilities
Creating a Plan
QUESTION EVERYTHING
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CREATING A PLAN
Hang On
Observe Your Grief
Daily Quiet Time
Search All Corners for Happiness
Cry
Going Public
Practice Self Care
Don’t Take Anything Personally
Stay Open to all Possibilities
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GRIEF
MOURNING
DENIAL
CREATING A PLAN
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You are the teacher
you’ve been waiting for.
You are the one
who can end your own suffering.
Byron Katie, Loving What Is
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More than anything,
we need to remember
that when our hearts are broken,
they are also wide open.
John E. Welshons, Awakening From Grief
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The only way to light is through darkness.
Do not be afraid of the dark.
Leonard Jacobson, Words from Silence
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It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually who are you not to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. You were born to manifest the glory of God that is within you. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love
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Open to the possibility
that the Universe is perfect.
John E. Welshons, Awakening From Grief
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