First, denial buys us time to put together the external supports we will need to face our shattered dream.

Second, denail buys us time to find the inner strength we will need to move forward day-to-day.

And third, it gradually eases us into the reality that this new truth, our new reality is painful and difficult.

These are the words I hurridly wrote on the back of a piece paper Saturday morning, April 9, 2006.  Rory had been dead six weeks and three days, and my friend Sheri thought I might be interested in attending a workshop on grief.  The all-day workshop was in Downers Grove, Illinois, sponsored by Coach - Coordinating Action for Children`s Health.  I drove into Downer`s Grove that early spring morning with my new friend Jim.  I had met Jim and his son Leo in December at the Pancake Breakfast Fundraiser Rory`s friends at West Middle School hosted for us. 

The workshop presentor was Dr. Ken Moses, an Evanston, Illinois based psychologist who "has devoted himself to helping people deal with crisis, trauma and loss.  Currently, he maintains a private practice limited to the issues of grieving, and directs Resource Networks, Inc., an organization specializing in the production of workshops, seminars, consultations and materials that deal with issues of human growth in the shadow of loss."

Dr. Moses` definition of denial resonated with me at a very deep level.  His definition brought me hope, and peace, and also helped me to feel engaged with what seemed to be happening to me - whether I liked it or not.

In the past I was always embarrassed when someone suggested I was "in denial."  It felt like a sign of weakness.  Something to be ashamed of.

I now view denial as a real friend - and in my presentations and writing talk about the "gifts of denial."