10 Things you can to do
to help make this holiday season more bearable for someone you know who is learning to live with the death of someone they love.

1. Mention the person who has died by name.  Your friend is already sad…nothing you can do will make them sadder…unless they think you have completely forgotten the person they love who has died.
   
   
2. Extend an invitation.  And another.  And then another.  Sooner or later the person will say yes - when they are ready and able.  Don’t abandon them.  They may already feel abandoned and alone.
   
   
3. Realize that your friend may not really know what they want to do for the holidays.  Or it may change hour to hour.  Be flexible and patient.  Accompany your friend as best you can.  Let them take the lead.  Don’t force them to do anything.  Don’t make them feel guilty.
   
   
4. Offer to bring your friend to Holiday services.  Again, be flexible.  He/she may change their mind again and again.
   
   
5. When you send a holiday card.  Write a note.  Mention the person who died by name.  Share a favorite memory or story of that person.
   
   
6. Search through your photos and videotape.  Find a picture of the person who died and mail it - or better yet deliver it in person. 
   Make certain that photos or videos are clearly labeled so the recipient has time to prepare for what could certainly be an emotional experience.
   
   
7. Remember – you don’t know how the person feels.  But you can ask – “What is it like to be you today?”  And then make sure you set aside time to LISTEN!
   
   
8. Expect crying.  It’s okay and healthy.  You can cry, too.  Crying together helps people heal.
   
   
9. Don’t work too hard on trying to “cheer your friend up.”  It’s okay to be sad.  Do spend time with him/her.  Let them talk.  You listen!
   
   
10. Don`t forget to bring over a home-cooked meal and cookies.  Love comes in many forms.