Living With the Holidays this Year

1. Remind yourself that you will survive.  You will.
 
2. Think about what will bring you the most peace. 
    1. Keeping all traditions in tact? 
    2. Tweaking some traditions a bit and adding new ones?
    3. Throwing out all the old traditions and starting new ones?
    4. Flying to a tropical island and completely skipping the holidays this year?  It’s okay to do that.
3.  Don’t expect anyone to mention the name of the person you love who has died.  Believe it or not, that’s your job.  People will look to you to determine whether or not it’s safe to talk him or her.  A few subtle ways to do that:
    1. Serve/bring your deceased loved one’s favorite dish to the holiday gathering – talk about it!
    2. Bring a favorite picture – pass it around.  Work it into the dining table centerpiece.
    3. Bring a favorite memento – a book, a poem, a watch, a piece of jewelry – share it after dinner.
    4. Have your loved one’s favorite music playing in the background – tell the story!
4. Plan a special evening for close family and friends when you REMEMBER.  Ask everyone to bring a favorite photo and write down a special memory.  Set time aside to sit in a circle and share the photos and memories.
 
5. Remember that it’s okay – it’s even healthy – to cry.
 
6. It’s okay to stay in bed…you will get out, when you are ready and able.
 
7. It’s also okay to smile or even laugh, a bit.  You’re not being disloyal.
 
8. Buy yourself a gift.  Wrap it.  Write a note – to you – from the person you love that has died.
 
9.  Buy someone less fortunate than you a gift.
 
10. Light a candle.
Tom Zuba believes that loss cracks us open.
Loss gives us the opportunity to consciously participate in the transformation that awaits us. 
 

Tom’s 18-month-old daughter Erin died suddenly in 1990.  His 43-year-old wife Trici died equally as suddenly on New Year’s Day 1999 and his 13-year-old son Rory died from brain cancer in 2005.  Tom and his son Sean are learning to live a full, joy-filled life, one day at a time.  He is an author, inspirational speaker, and workshop facilitator who appeared in April 1999 with best selling author Gary Zukav on The Oprah Winfrey Show.   To learn more visit www.TomZuba.com, and follow Tom on Facebook and Twitter.

 

SEARCH: