Posted by Tom Zuba on October 14, 2014 2 CommentsYesterday I wrote about feeling abandoned following the death of someone you love dearly. I explained that it’s not personal. It’s almost universal. People you love.And that you thought loved you.People you trust...
Posted by Tom Zuba on October 06, 2014 0 CommentsWe think that we are broken and maybe we are and maybe we aren’t (really) but that topic is for a different day.We are most certainly broken open.Broken openbecause someone we love dearly died.And this deaththis onewas not part o...
Posted by Tom Zuba on October 03, 2014 3 CommentsCancer. Not my wife Trici who died in 1999 or our first-born child our daughter Erin who died in 1990 but my oldest son Rorywho diedat the age of 13 in 2005from a brain cancercalled glioblastoma multiforme.A kind of can...
Posted by Tom Zuba on October 02, 2014 0 CommentsFrom a very early agethe world has told usover and over and overagainthat it's not okay to cry.That crying is a sign of weakness.That there is shame in crying.That people who cry are "less than."We wear bracelets(some of us)that say LiveStrongbeli...
Posted by Tom Zuba on September 30, 2014 2 Comments“Everyone grieves differently.”“No one should tell me how to grieve.”“There isn’t a right way to grieve and a wrong way to grieve.”Every day you can read these statements and different versions of these statements all over the internet. They are ...
Posted by Tom Zuba on February 22, 2014 0 CommentsNot sure that I’ve ever written about this before.My son Rory was due on July 18, 1991one yearto the daythat his older sister Erindied suddenly.His mom, my wife, Tricisaid“No way.I will simply not have my second childbornon the anniversary of the ...
Posted by Tom Zuba on February 13, 2014 0 CommentsIt really is true that the way we treat othersis simply a reflection of the way we treat ourself.Take a few minutes and review the interactions you’ve had with people over the past few days.Your spouse or partner.Your children.Your parents.Your co...
Posted by Tom Zuba on February 11, 2014 0 Comments
This is a tough one for so many of us.
Change can be difficult.
Especially, in light of the death of someone we love,
when it feels like everything has changed too, too much.
We cling to what we are familiar with.
To feel safe
in a world that feels anything but safe.
But the truth is
that we have each inhaled
that cause us pain.
Beliefs about life
and how the world works.
And we hear these beliefs repeated
And we convince ourself that they are true.
They are not.
But they are painful.
If our goal is to make peace with life
we must slowly
our feelings and emotions
to the beliefs that they are rooted in.
Because we are human
this usually doesn’t happen
until the pain we are experiencing
is so excruciatingly debilitating
that we scream
out loud or in silence
“enough is enough.”
I can’t live like this one more minute.
There must be another way.
Suggestion #9 of 10
to help you
create a New You
in this New Year.
#9 Commit to identify and question all your beliefs that are causing you pain.
Unless you want to marinate in pain. You, and only you, get to decide what you believe. It’s possible (probable) that many of your unexamined beliefs are causing you great pain. Beliefs that may include:
He shouldn’t have died.
She died too young.
I was robbed.
I could have saved him.
I will never be happy again.
Life is no longer worth living.
There will always be a hole in my heart.
Life is unfair.
Death is the enemy.
Replace these painful beliefs with life-affirming beliefs.
What is one belief
that you are holding on to
that is causing you great pain?
Are you willing to take a closer look at the belief
and ask yourself
“Is this true?”
Do I know
beyond the shadow of a doubt
that this is true?
If you’d like to explore this further, or any other facet of your grief journey, I work with people one-on-one. If you’re in the Rockford, IL area, we can do that in person. If you’re out of the local area, we can Skype or Facetime. If you'd like to work with me, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and we can schedule a session and discuss cost.
I also want to make sure you aware of my Video Program “Transforming the Way We Do Grief.” The intention I set when I created this 3-part Video Program, is to help you heal ... to help make the unbearable, more bearable. Through this program, I share with you much of what I've learned about healing during my 20+ year journey with grief. To learn more click: "Transforming the Way We Do Grief.”--> This is a tough one for so many of us.Change can be difficult.Especially, in light of the death of someone we love,when it feels like everything has changed too, too much.We cling to what we are familiar with.To feel safein a world that feels anyt...