Tom's Blog

Loving Rory

Posted by Tom Zuba on February 22, 2014 0 Comments
Not sure that I’ve ever written about this before.My son Rory was due on July 18, 1991one yearto the daythat his older sister Erindied suddenly.His mom, my wife, Tricisaid“No way.I will simply not have my second childbornon the anniversary of the ...

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Suggestion #10 ~ Be Gentle

Posted by Tom Zuba on February 13, 2014 0 Comments
It really is true that the way we treat othersis simply a reflection of the way we treat ourself.Take a few minutes and review the interactions you’ve had with people over the past few days.Your spouse or partner.Your children.Your parents.Your co...

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Suggestion #9 ~ Examining Your Beliefs

Posted by Tom Zuba on February 11, 2014 0 Comments

This is a tough one for so many of us.

Change can be difficult.

Especially, in light of the death of someone we love,

when it feels like everything has changed too, too much.

We cling to what we are familiar with.

To feel safe

in a world that feels anything but safe.

 

But the truth is

that we have each inhaled

inhaled

beliefs

that cause us pain.

Beliefs about life

and death

and God

and how the world works.

 

And we hear these beliefs repeated

over

and over

and over

again.

And we convince ourself that they are true.

 

They are not.

But they are painful.

 

If our goal is to make peace with life

we must slowly

and methodically

trace back

our feelings and emotions

to the beliefs that they are rooted in.

 

Because we are human

this usually doesn’t happen

until the pain we are experiencing

is so excruciatingly debilitating

that we scream

out loud or in silence

“enough is enough.”

I can’t live like this one more minute.

There must be another way.

 

There is.

 

Suggestion #9 of 10

to help you

create a New You 

in this New Year.

 

#9 Commit to identify and question all your beliefs that are causing you pain.  

Unless you want to marinate in pain.  You, and only you, get to decide what you believe.  It’s possible (probable) that many of your unexamined beliefs are causing you great pain.  Beliefs that may include: 

 

He shouldn’t have died.  

She died too young.

I was robbed.  

I could have saved him.  

I will never be happy again.  

Life is no longer worth living.  

There will always be a hole in my heart.

Life is unfair.

Death is the enemy.

 

Replace these painful beliefs with life-affirming beliefs.

 

What is one belief

that you are holding on to

that is causing you great pain?

 

Are you willing to take a closer look at the belief

and ask yourself

“Is this true?”

Do I know

beyond the shadow of a doubt

that this is true?

 

If you’d like to explore this further, or any other facet of your grief journey, I work with people one-on-one.  If you’re in the Rockford, IL area, we can do that in person.  If you’re out of the local area, we can Skype or Facetime.  If you'd like to work with me, please email me at tomzuba@aol.com and we can schedule a session and discuss cost.

I also want to make sure you aware of my Video Program “Transforming the Way We Do Grief.”  The intention I set when I created this 3-part Video Program, is to help you heal ... to help make the unbearable, more bearable. Through this program, I share with you much of what I've learned about healing during my 20+ year journey with grief.  To learn more click:  "Transforming the Way We Do Grief.”

--> This is a tough one for so many of us.Change can be difficult.Especially, in light of the death of someone we love,when it feels like everything has changed too, too much.We cling to what we are familiar with.To feel safein a world that feels anyt...

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Suggestion #8 ~ Asking Life's Fundamental Questions

Posted by Tom Zuba on February 09, 2014 0 Comments
The death of someone you love cracks you open.Big time.It’s supposed to.The death of someone you lovedearlyrocks your foundation.Very ofteneverything you knew to be trueseems false.You do not know who you are anymore.You don’t know much about this...

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Suggestion #7 ~ Say Thank You

Posted by Tom Zuba on February 09, 2014 1 Comment
It's seemingly so simple.Yet so complex.I've written about this ofteneven devoting the first 21 days of 2014to encouraging you to saythank you.If you do one thingone thingdifferently this yearadd gratitude to your lifeon a daily basis.Gratitude pl...

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Suggestion #6 ~ Quiet Time

Posted by Tom Zuba on February 07, 2014 0 Comments
 Youand only youwill determine whether or not you will heal.And you will determine the speed at which you heal.Is it easy?No.Is it possible?Yes.And you must take the first step.You must lean in.Begin today.This is a tough one.It scares many people...

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Suggestion #5 ~ Releasing Energy

Posted by Tom Zuba on February 06, 2014 0 Comments

 

Suggestion #5

 

A New Year

A New Life

A New You

 

5.     Commit to finding ways to release the heavy, burdensome energy stored in your body.  A massage therapist cannot only help you physically relax but he/she can help your body release stored energy and even stored memory that no longer serves you.  If you are living in a cold climate… consider a massage with hot stones on a cold winter day.  Make an appointment to see a Reiki master or a Craniosacral therapist or any other energy worker.  At the very least, the physical touch will be healing.

 

Valentine’s Day is a week away.  Family members and/or friends may be wondering what they can give you.  Ask for a gift certificate.

 

As I reflect back on my own healing following my son Rory’s death in 2005 ~ one of the most important things I did was schedule a weekly massage.  Every Thursday at 10:00am I knew I had one hour of self care.  I worked with a licensed  massage therapist who was also a skilled, gifted Reiki master. 

 

Try it.  It’s an incredible gift you can give yourself.

 

If you’re already familiar with the healing gifts of body work, what can you share with us about your own experiences?

 

If you’d like to explore this further, or any other facet of your grief journey, I work with people one-on-one.  If you’re in the Rockford, IL area, we can do that in person.  If you’re out of the local area, we can Skype or Facetime.  If you'd like to work with me, please email me at tomzuba@aol.com and we can schedule a session and discuss cost.

I also want to make sure you aware of my Video Program “Transforming the Way We Do Grief.”  The intention I set when I created this 3-part Video Program, is to help you heal ... to help make the unbearable, more bearable. Through this program, I share with you much of what I've learned about healing during my 20+ year journey with grief.  To learn more click:  "Transforming the Way We Do Grief.”

 

-->  Suggestion #5 A New YearA New LifeA New You 5.     Commit to finding ways to release the heavy, burdensome energy stored in your body.  A massage therapist cannot only help you physically relax but he/she can help your body release stored energy ...

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Suggestion #4 ~ The Healing Powers of Nature

Posted by Tom Zuba on February 06, 2014 0 Comments
This simple daily practice can truly be the beginning of your new life, in this new year.Make the effort to return to nature. It's where life resides. It's our home.4. Commit to going outside and walking in nature every day. Even if it is only for...

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Suggestion #3 ~ Create a Safe Space

Posted by Tom Zuba on February 06, 2014 0 Comments
#3 of my 10 suggestions. Based on my 20+ year journey. Given to you. As gift. Hoping to light your tunnel this new year.A New Year.A New Life. A New You.3. Commit to creating a safe, sacred space for you and the people you love. A space where ever...

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Suggestion #2 ~ Let it out. Let it out. Let it out.

Posted by Tom Zuba on February 03, 2014 0 Comments
#2 of my 10 suggestions. Based on my 20+ year journey. Given to you. As gift. Hoping to light your tunnel this new year.A New Year.A New Life. A New You.2. Commit to active mourning. I define mourning as “going public” with your grief (the interna...

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